· Have each child carry or wear something lit – So dressing up like the invisible woman is probably not recommended.
· Adults should plan out a route in advance – Totally. You gotta make sure you hit the jackpot houses. You know, the neighbors that hand out full sized candy bars.
· Require well-fitting shoes – Pumps aren’t trick-or-treater friendly… and no one wants to be mistaken for a different “creature of the night”… yikes!
· Avoid costumes that drag on the ground – Otherwise you’re slowing down all your friends, and lessening the amount of loot they collect. Friendship FAIL.
· With the thought of comfort, pick costumes that are bathroom-friendly as well – AKA, don’t pull a Fergie.
· Be sure a child's mask allows full visibility and breathing – How did Darth Vader cope with that thing anyway?
· Trick or treaters should walk, not run, and should never cut across lawns or driveways – Some neighbors are paranoid and have shotguns… just sayin!
· Only carry flexible props - Sure, real swords are fun and all… but probably not for the ER doctors.
· Only trick or treat at houses that are lit – And if you see the last name BATES on the mailbox… you know… just stay away.
· Be sure kids don't get over-heated and keep hydrated – Trick-or-treating is a marathon event, and you want to make sure your kids return will full bags... that way you get a bigger cut.
· Think "practical" over "cute" when picking a trick or treat goody bag or container – See now, that’s smart advice. Plastic pumpkins are swell, but a pillowcase (or two) guarantees a profitable holiday experience!
· Keep track of time and don't trick or treat after 9 p.m. – The neighbors might be in bed by then… or drunk… either way, do not disturb please.
· Feed your kids a healthy meal - That way they’re less likely to fill their bellies with Tootsie Rolls and Rockets!... Thus leaving more for you when they’re tucked in for the night.
· Children of any age should be accompanied by a parent - And if you’re smart about your costume choice, you could probably pass as a fellow trick-or-treater. Think short. Hobbits, jockies, etc…
· Purchased costumes should be made of flame-retardant material – Do I really need to elaborate?
· Insist that your child goes to the bathroom BEFORE leaving the house – Again, there is much we can learn from Fergalicious…
· Never allow children to eat candy before it is inspected – Yeah! Otherwise they might eat all the good stuff and leave you with the Tic Tacs and hundred-cal snack packs… BTW, please don’t hand out Tic Tacs and hundred-cal snack packs…
· Pick up objects in the yard, sidewalk, or driveway that could create safety issues – Sure, it’s good for a laugh when someone steps on a rake, but lawsuits could ensue.
· Think "trick or treat safety" when decorating – Remember that fire-retardant costume advice? This is for the protection of people who don’t.
· Keep your house well-lit and inviting – That way it’s funnier when the guy with the chainsaw emerges from the garage… ha ha… pranks are fun.
· Be sure your pets are secured and put away – Chocolate is bad for dogs… and some dogs are bad for trick-or-treaters.
· Carefully consider treats such as healthier food alternatives – That way kids are… wait, what? No no, that’s terrible advice. Ignore that please.